I do not receive any financial benefit from sharing these resources.
These are things I have found to be most helpful in my search to understand parenting and ODD.
These resources teach the parenting approaches that have been most successful for myself and many others.
I offer them only as a resource for you to study and consider as you develop your own personal parenting approach.
Taking time to research ODD and different parenting approaches is essential to parenting success because in order to SUCCEED you need to just keep trying new ideas until you find what works best for you and your child!
#1 Scriptures!
(Modern & Ancient)
Seek God's wisdom & God's will for you in any scriptures that you love. God knows and loves you and your child. If you seek, with a question in mind, He will send you an answer. Watch for it to come in unexpected ways. He is a God of miracles and He hears and answers your prayers! This is my number one resource for parenting and life advice!
#2 "Hold onto your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D., and Gabor Mate, M.D.
Parenting Book Review:
For all my siblings, friends, parents, teachers and all adults out there who are part of this great network of adults that are helping to raise our kids in today's world. This book is for YOU! I have a bookshelf gradually filling with parenting books. Each has come to me at a needed time, often through a friend to help me solve a current challenge. Today I want to share this AMAZING book that came unexpectedly to me in answer to many prayers. It is hands down the most enlightening, motivating and helpful book for understanding how to raise children, except the scriptures of course. It answers why kids and their parents are struggling more and more in today's world! It's all about relationships! It has some powerful "how to" concepts at the end but I encourage you not to skip ahead, read it cover to cover! I've been studying it for years now and have re-read it over and over again!! I'd love to hear what you think and would love to provide you customized support through Private Life Coaching as you strive to implement the concepts into your own relationships!
#3 Lives in the Balance Collaborative Proactive Solutions (CPS) Strategy by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D. https://livesinthebalance.org/walking-tour/
Dr. Greene has written several books. One of his most popular amongst ODD parents is "The Explosive Child". However, when we are deep in the trenches of parenting we don't usually have time to read a new book, so I love that he also has a website with this quick video overview of his methods and perspectives. He has recent research that shows his methods are as effective as the traditional parenting models at changing behaviors but with the added benefits of building relationships and actually helping to solve kids problems by bringing them into the process and helping them develop the needed skills they are lacking.
I love his model for teaching and it beautifully aligns with my own Happiness Perspective Coaching processes. By learning to coach yourself you can then have the skills to better coach your child through their problems. WIN WIN for everyone! If you're looking for a place to get some new parenting ideas quickly, I highly recommend watching this short tutorial video series! My Happiness Perspective Program is the perfect compliment to these concepts and ideas. Study them and sign up for some Private Life Coaching to help you effectively apply the concepts!
#4 "ADHD 2.0" by Edward M. Hallowell M.D. & John J Ratey M.D.
ODD & ADHD often come hand in hand. This book is full of the latest research and discoveries for children and adults with ADHD. It is so detailed and such a great positive approach to understanding ADHD. Not only does it provide the newest science about the advantages and challenges experienced with ADHD but it also provides the best strategies for thriving with distraction including:
Find the right kind of difficult. Use these behavior assessments to discover the work, activity, or creative outlet best suited to an individual’s unique strengths.
Reimagine environment. What specific elements to look for - at home, at school, or in the workplace - to enhance the creativity and entrepreneurial spirit inherent in the ADHD mind.
Embrace innate neurological tendencies. Take advantage of new findings about the brain’s default mode network and cerebellum, which confer major benefits for people with ADHD.
Tap into the healing power of connection. Tips for establishing and maintaining positive connection “the other Vitamin C” and the best antidote to the negativity that plagues so many people with ADHD.
Consider medication. Gets the facts about the underlying chemistry, side effects, and proven benefits of all the pharmaceutical options.
#5 "The Defiant Child" By Dr. Douglas A. Riley
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) Parenting Book Review:
I have this book and it's highlighted throughout and gives great real life examples that helped me understand and relate to what my son was doing! Just read through the rules below and see if you can relate.
Here are a few things I've highlighted...
When seeking to understand ODD children remember
Rule #1: ODD children live in a fantasy land in which they are able to defeat all authority figures.
Rule #2: ODD children are optimistic in their ability to be victorious.
Rule #3: ODD children fail to learn from experience.
Rule #4: You must be fair to me, regardless of how I treat you is their belief.
Rule #5: ODD children seek revenge when angered to re-establish they are in charge.
Rule #6: ODD children need to feel tough. They need to prove that no one can make them do anything.
Rule #7: ODD children believe that if they ignore you long enough, you'll run out of moves.
Rule #8: ODD Children believe themselves to be equal to their parents.
Rule #9: ODD children emulate the behavior of their least successful peers.
Rule #10: ODD children and teens attempt to answer most questions with "I Don't Know"
Rule #11: ODD logic revolves around denial of responsibility.
Great information is also given on the importance of structure (although there is some extreme consequences in that section that I do not agree with for ODD kids. I tried them in my most desperate moments, but they only made things worse. I've since found much better methods of connection rather than getting into a power struggle).
The need for a strong parent relationship where parents are unified and setting a good example and having fun in their lives.
Parents who take responsibility for their own emotions and for the love and nurturing of their child.
Remember you can't take it personally! Remember your role and responsibility as the parent, maintain emotional responsibility for yourself. Set the standards, maintain control of the house and do not be held hostage by their threats.
Remember Humor is more powerful than muscle!
Remember healthy children press boundaries, they attempt to gain power, nothing has gone wrong!
Reward and look for the good! You must also be willing to make your child miserable in a lot of fun ways.
Learn how to talk with your ODD child/teen. Set consequences clearly. Be clear and brief. Connect consequences to their behavior, positive and negative. Compliment them on their strength. SOOOO Much good in there!
I would say a definite good read for understanding ODD!
#6 Simply on Purpose Positive Parenting Techniques
The parenting techniques shared by Ralphie Jacobs are some of the best I've seen around. You can check out the resources available on her website, follow her on instagram @simplyonpurpose. If you're looking for new ways to parent, this is a fabulous resource to get ideas you can try out today!
#7 Happiness Perspective with Nicole Ellis Facebook Group
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I struggled knowing how to help my ODD teen and how to find my own happiness for over 6 years before I found another parent with an ODD child to talk to. When I shared my story with her she said to me "You're telling me my own story!". She too had never met another parent dealing with ODD challenges and so she told me her story and suddenly we were no longer alone. We had been heard and understood.
There is great strength that comes from sharing our stories and our struggles with each other. I want you to know that you are not alone! Since that time I have met SO MANY parents, moms and dads, who are struggling with the very same issues and feelings. All wanting to be the very best parents they can be for their kids.
I've created a Happiness Perspective with Nicole Ellis Facebook Group to help support you in your journey to a Happiness Perspective. Come and join us! I am active in this group and want to help you any way that I can! You are not alone any longer!